Non-destructive, productive, useful rebellion

"Living well is the best revenge."

True, but in the heat of the moment it can be rather hard to remember that. When we're wronged, when we're treated unfairly, when we want to hurt the person who hurt us....just living well doesn't assuage all those feelings. I should know. It is tough to get all that energy under control- that hot rush of anger, like lava, is addictive and gratifying, but ultimately hurts us and our cause more than it hurts the person in front of us.

So how can I harness that energy? I don't have an answer right now. I am honestly working on it; trying to not do anything stupid right now, trying to do something which will help me instead of helping the asshole.

Why is the title "rebellion"? When dealing with parents who secretly(or subconsciously) want you to be dependent on them so that they can use you as an ATM in their old age, it is mostly buying things for yourself and enjoying them, while making plans that don't involve them. Teenage rebellion- only it is useful to me, and not to anyone else.

9 months of shit

The coming 23rd marks the 9th month of Turd's stay in India. A lot of things have happened during that time; I gained new knowledge about a variety of topics; I gained some clarity about myself, more specifically how damaging my current style of studying is. I also gained a lot of knowledge. Like, lots of it.

I also see my family more clearly, and it has only confirmed what  I have thought about them till date. All I used to see was shit- but now I can see the individual components of said shit; as unwanted as it is. Thing is, my "family" is chock full of racist, caste-ist, narrow-minded people who can't discern the difference between emotion and reason. They're the kind of people who will claim to be the most evolved, modern people in all of India while doing the same things as the rest of Indians. They are the people who curse India with one breath and speak with pride about how "every American/European company has at least one Indian CEO" in the next (The actual quote, courtesy of Turd, had Brahmin in place of Indian there- bleargh). They are the people who'll freely and often thoughtlessly belittle and outright  abuse the people who make up a majority of our population- I'm referring to the so-called "lesser" castes and Muslims, of course.

I want to throttle my parents every time I hear anything like that from them. Turdette, who many outside people will refer to as a "great", "awesome", "very friendly/supportive" person, has (on many occasions) said that Muslims should be killed outright (apparently being a Muslim is a crime.). She has also referred to the other communities in Pune as being barbaric, primitive, etc. How am I supposed to trust anyone who can condemn somebody to death so easily just for belonging to a particular community? It seems as though the moment one deviates from the narrow definition of "normal" set by these pieces of shit, he/she is a demon, a cancer on whatever imaginary "holy" community these people have dreamt up. And the lesser said about Turd, the better. I haven't spoken much to that one, thankfully, but from the comments I hear occasionally he's the same, if not worse.

I disagree with the majority of theistic religions (including Hinduism, Islam and Christianity), but I also have a policy of "Live and let live". I also disagree with Gandhian philosophy but I can recognize others' rights to practicing the faith of their choice. Some people may recognize both sentiments as being Satanic- that's because I am a Satanist. And why not? These people are the only ones so far who have acknowledged human nature while taking efforts to curtail the more destructive side of humanity.

This side of my biological family is horrifying. Just shows the kinds of festering cesspools sheeple hide under their pristine, white woolen coats.


 Quoting Magus Peter H. Gilmore's essays (He said it much better than I could have, also much more earlier than I could've managed) :"For me this date serves as a time to call to mind the atrocities committed under the influence of theistic belief. While the ghastly horrors of The Spanish Inquisition are now but fodder for horror movies, even the grotesque mutilations appearing in the recent genre of “torture porn” films cannot approach the systematic abominations perpetrated upon people who had done nothing against those who exterminated them with “God’s will” as motivation. Those crimes should not be excused, nor forgotten. Human history in many aspects is a global tour of a religion-inspired abbatoire. That is the essential nature of temples dedicated to deity worship, whether overt such as the New World pyramids atop which living hearts were torn from the chests of both willing and unwilling victims, to the ornate Old World cathedrals of Europe so often adorned with images of suffering and damnation surounding the primary icon of a whipped and bleeding man, brow torn by thorns, who hangs broken upon a ancient Roman execution device. The centuries of death, pain and degradation celebrated therein should serve as a warning to any who celebrate life that such beliefs are virulent poison."

"While the sanctimonious of many spiritual religions will enter their sacred spaces today, thanking their God or Gods for acts of heroism performed by valiant individuals in response to that tragedy, they will smugly forget that their God did nothing to prevent these human-initiated disasters. Responsibility for what they deem to be good is assigned to their deity, while responsibility for what is deemed evil must, in their limited view, originate elsewhere, and probably from those holding different beliefs. They will fail to see that such a perspective is one shared by the terrorists. More significant than that, these people will also fail to recall that, over the centuries, far more people have been slaughtered by the followers of spiritual religions—including their own—than were killed by the Islamic terrorists on September 11 of 2001. There is blood on the hands of the ancestors of those who pray in their sanctuaries today, and that is a fact they should appreciate as fully as do we. Millions have died because fanatical worshippers refused to allow that values other than their own might have validity for those who hold them."

I won't forgive and I won't forget

" One of my major complaints about school was the fact that teachers take 30-45 minutes to teach a class of 60 students a concept that can be individually understood better in 10 minutes. 6-7 hours a day to learn something that can be understood in half an hour, tops is a terrible waste of time. I could do so much in the time freed up by not attending lectures like a trained monkey; I was ready to do it too- only Turd and Turdette's attitude was something to the tune of school being the only way to learn something. Refusing to go to school would have thrown my access to books or knowledge of any kind down the toilet, and gotten me a family of abusive assholes who were now actively trying to ruin my life.(As opposed to accidentally ruining it before with their lack of thought and neglect.)"

This just popped up in a reply about a completely unrelated issue. It's only now that I'm starting to remember things I'd repressed as a child; the why's of hating my parents and wanting to incinerate them, along with the why's of holding back those urges, are becoming clearer now. In 10th to 12th I just knew "I hate my parents" and "I shouldn't murder them". On the topic of Tiger moms (or virulent abusive bitches who can't take a denial from their child), 

"This sounds disturbingly like a militarist Nazi regime, and sad thing is that i have gone through this. I agree with the writer though- nature cannot be repressed, and that led my parents to be more abusive and virulent- calling me a bitch, implying that i would end up nowhere, etc.etc. Nevermind that i am not the typical "abused depressed emo". That is not the only sign that something is wrong!! 

It's not just schools- parents like these are actually worse because you cannot run from them. In a world where this style of parenting is seen as "correct" and children as "worthless" unless they get good grades, you are raising more criminals than a more liberal parent. I should know- rage, depression and psychopathy weren't the only issues i dealt with. I am proud of what i am today, but that is because i realized early on that these people or my grades will be nowhere in my life in 20 years. How many more childhoods were wasted on this? It makes me more angry to think that people like these are allowed to marry when perfectly normal, loving people are not just because they are gay. In this mess what you're allowed and not allowed to say makes a difference, and they expect me to tell them the truth? How can i trust them? Just remember that your parents or your name do not define what you are; YOU DO. I really wonder how fucked up society is to think that power plays with children are normal and even laudable. I want something that has never been allowed is my parent's house-freedom to do what i want without some kind of authority hanging over my head. I think that's the only good thing that came out of knowing these assholes at all."


A reply: "Extremely damaging style of parenting, but because those kids aren't being starved or raped, nobody cares. We all know that kids are stupid and need to be "disciplined" and bullied around anyway to learn some "respect", so people actually admire those parents, or, at most, just figure it's their way of doing it. I guess the parent's right to be a dick means more than the child's mental well-being, because those people act like the children don't even exist, as if they're just objects. It's always the parents' rights."


Another post. " I just realized this....school is pretty easy for someone like me to get through (since i just don't give a fuck) but it's my parents who have been making things hard for me these past 10 or so years. Seriously, it's all thanks to the lack of emotional support at home that i'm who i am today- untrusting and defiant. Both of them are verbally abusive and it was clear that i couldn't trust them in anything.  Moreover, it was clear that they-and the rest of my relatives were trying to create problems between me and my sister by showing partiality and favoritism to her, comparing our heights, looks,etc. etc. etc. The last 17 years have been full of nothing but stupid, childish and petty insults-stuff like telling me i am nothing, worthless and stupid; it's the exact same behavior a playground bully would show. And to think i grew up with two of those- who were much more harmful since i couldn't avoid them for long.. They have been poisoning my friendships since i was a kid by manipulating my friends to spy on me for them, and i hate them both for it."

So, when these assholes have ruined my childhood, why should I let them near myself again? They have already proved themselves to be untrustworthy and shit-distributers of the first order. Fuck forgiveness and fuck forgetting. I will toss these two out of my life (as soon as it's expedient, of course) and I will use the things I have learnt to identify and eliminate such people from it.

Another rant about my relatives

Note to self: Never lend any of my possessions to these fuckwits.

Turd had been reading several of my books for the last few days. I'd find them anywhere-lying on the floor, on the dining table, on the bed...It was obvious enough that he had no respect for books. And then today- he threw down a book on the floor, at which I decided against lending any of my other books to him.

The rule is simple enough-if you cannot respect me or my possessions, you won't have access to them. Only an idiot would argue with that, and  Turd and Turdette proved themselves to be idiots over and over again. 

Turdette's argument: We must adjust. Adjust.

She sounds like she has no respect for herself. That really disgusts me; she sounds like a typical oppressed, abused woman-which she isn't, but she keeps acting like one. Some kind of a martyr complex? According to her, the sun shines out of Turd's arse, and we're lucky that he shares it with us.  Apparently, it's a favor that he's paying for my college (not a duty), tolerating my behavior (letting me cook for myself, letting me do what I want) (again, not a duty) and not abusing me physically or verbally (Next time he hits or shouts at me, he's going to jail) (again, not a duty).

Bullshit.

It's a parents duty to provide a child (which they chose to have, mind you) with a positive home environment (failure), pay for them until they get a job (I'm in uni and these two bastards wont let me get a job to support myself), and not abuse them (again, failure).

It's the duty of every person on the planet to accept that people with different values may live peacefully, and that they mustn't do anything to harm that person unless he's hurt you or your family. Whose fault is it that millions everyday break these rules? Isn't it partially the fault of those who try to adjust to faulty and harmful behavior instead of trying to correct it?

I can see now why solipsism is listed as a Satanic sin. And as a Satanist I have to ensure that the people with differing values (who see mine as wrong and evil) do not have power over me.

Can you see now why my family absolutely disgusts me? 

Oh, and now Turdette is trying to call in anything she's done for me as a favor. Thanks to my Slytherin instincts, she's failing horribly-anything she did for me falls under duty, not under favor.
And if they can wave away my favors with a thanks, so can I.

Frozen's hidden gay agenda

I have seen various comments online about how dangerous, immoral or gay Frozen is. Needless to say, I loved the movie-specially for smashing the majority of Disney's fantasies (You can't marry a man you just met) , and I couldn't think why someone might not like it. So I looked it up, and found this post : http://wellbehavedmormonwoman.blogspot.in/2014/02/movie-frozen-gay-homosexual-agenda.html#.U6wMiZSSz78
As this post is essentially a reply to the above linked one, I suggest reading it first.


"I wrote the main body of this post nearly three months ago, after I watched Frozen, with most of my grandchildren. Since then, I've had a few discussions with friends and family about the movie, prior to deciding to publish it, with little support for my findings. That, and watching Frozen receive more and more accolades, including many from trusted resources, and observing the ongoing rise in the movie's popularity, without significant challenge. "

Keyword here is trusted.

"The fact is, that not one of us would allow a person, contrary to our values, to come into our homes and teach our family"

Agreed, on that point,

"many of the principles advocated in the movie Frozen - such as rebellion/disobedience - as good. Yet, when the same element cunningly creates a medium within to share the same doctrine, which intensely overwhelms the senses, we are blinded - and rather than put on glasses, we allow ourselves to be mesmerized by the overall experience - focusing only on the good that we see, or perceive, highlighted for our viewing pleasure."

Would you say the same about entertainment that glorifies the "good vs. evil struggle" found in many religions, or entertainment involving god or even promoting religion as a positive thing, that we atheists don't want coming into our houses? What about people going door to door preaching?

"However, as light and dark, or fear and faith cannot exist in the same space, good and evil do, here in mortality."

Fear and faith do exist in the same space. For example, "All sinners go to hell, so you must not sin." It's amusing that one can draw examples that contradict what religious people say from their own holy books.

"Therefore, we must be wise - especially parents. When good is used to advance evil, we must reject it and state why, if we desire to be light."

How can good be used to advance evil when both are so distinct?
"Entertainment, with all of its mediums, has more power than just about anything else to effectively indoctrinate and influence society, negatively, and among the most vulnerable of its victims are children. "

Agreed.

"To Christian parents, who don't support the legalization of SSM, or the normalization of same-sex sexual behavior, oppositional to God, I feel strongly that we must become more aware of how liberal media advocate these messages. It is often accomplished through infiltrating mainstream channels with the specific attitudes and ideologies necessary to advance these practices, as progressive, within mainstream society."

And, there goes the G-word. This author has successfully alienated anyone who isn't a Christian from her point, ensuring that even if they're against same sex marriage they'll reject her ideas. For that matter, I'm firmly in the "For SSM" category.

"If you feel you've been duped by the surface story of the movie Frozen, try not to feel too bad. The way in which Frozen wraps up the false doctrine perpetuated throughout the film, is as skillfully done as I have ever seen it, which makes calling it out and not being labeled crazy difficult. Nevertheless, after months of vacillating over whether I wanted to share my thoughts, broadly, with a bit of encouragement from only one friend, I've finally decided to just do it, regardless of the high approval ratings for the movie, which most are insistent to retain."

Wait a minute- duped? I saw the same things you did, and I wholeheartedly agree with them.


"The process of normalizing homosexual behavior in society is going to require more than the liberal media saying it is so - which they do all the time - or activist judges legalizing same-sex marriage in one state after another. It's going to require the indoctrination of our children, in order to lead their generation to the next, necessary, level of mainstream social acceptance."

Really ironic that a religious person is talking about indoctrination. "Indoctrination implies a force of a particular perspective or opinion without question or alternative. Most people would say that we are not indoctrinated to believe that 2+2=4, even though it’s undoubtedly rare that math teachers explicitly encourage students toquestion it, or entertain alternative points of view. But that is because 2+2=4 is considered by most to be a fact, not an opinion.  The term indoctrination is used when the thing being taught is an opinion, but it is nonetheless being taught in the same manner as one teaches something like 2+2=4: as a raw fact, unquestionable, and without doubt."

This one came from http://gregstevens.name/2012/07/05/ive-been-indoctrinated-and-so-have-you/

I think that the pot is calling the kettle black...


"Sidebar: Let me be very clear about one thing, I am not anti-gay nor am I here to judge homosexuals not worthy of their rightful and respectful place among society. However, I draw the line at the idea of redefining traditional marriage to include homosexual relationships, as equal. Meaning, that as a Christian, I believe that acting on same-sex attraction is contrary to God's will, and therefore SSM should not be legalized. Because I hold this value and voice it freely, does not mean that I am trying to force it on anyone - anymore than those who feel opposite and advocate for their position intend to force SSM on me, personally - both have the right [to freely advocate an oppositional position] and should not be demonized, regardless of where society takes us, as a whole."

Interesting disclaimer...notice that the author is the one who mentioned judging homosexuals unworthy of their rightful place in society. It is denied by the same person in the next sentence: "Meaning, that as a Christian, I believe that acting on same-sex attraction is contrary to God's will, and therefore SSM should not be legalized."

Contradictory much?

The summary which follows is something I disagree with. Elsa's power is representative of much more than just homosexuality. What about the child who is told to be an engineer but wants to do something else? (Like Farhan from 3 Idiots) What about someone who is told that their hobbies are useless, and that they must study something else in order to earn? The author sees a gay agenda because it is the one which threatens their belief or their faith the most. Frozen is a parallel for anyone who had to suppress themselves, not just homosexuals.

Even I had to conceal, don't feel, don't  let them know at school, at parties, at anything else I was forced to attend. My family made me feel guilty for hating these events, when it was their fault that I hated them.

I found this song inspiring and refreshing. The message that repressing negative emotions is horrible and doesn't do anything positive was definitely well-received.

"The words to "Let it Go" are clearly not Christian-values friendly, by any stretch of the imagination, when understood and heard. This is not an innocent song, with a catchy tune. It is rebellious. It mocks moral absolutes. It is careless. It is unaccountable. It is anti-obedience. It is regardless. It is selfish."

I knew there was a reason that I loved the song, but I hadn't really bothered to look that deeply into it.

"And if you still disagree, then by all means, feel free to show me how I've misinterpreted the lyrics."

No, the interpretation is spot on. For the author, it's the reason she disliked the song. For me, it's the reason I loved it.

Insecure?

Today evening me and family had run off to Taljai for some "quality" time, when I noticed a guy in a red shirt playing a guitar. And naturally Turd, having seen the same thing I saw (maybe not?) began deriding and ridiculing him. The only thing that jumped into my mind about this kind of a reaction was the statement "Haters will hate". Why the insecurity, I wonder? And this was coming from a well-off, "educated" person...maybe he was bristling at a reminder of what he failed (in his opinion) to do? Who knows.

Why can't people in my family bear someone doing something better than them?? Seriously, was it so bad that someone was playing music outside?? And it's not like he was playing badly either. Maybe it was for my benefit...as in, assuming I actually care what Turd and Turdette think. It's a bloody public place...people (he) say(s) less negative things about people defecating or urinating in public. But, playing a guitar is an absolute no-no. Wonder why..?? (Can't have my daughter learning about the rebellious rock culture after all....*cue Satanic laughter.)  It seems that I did an excellent job hiding my true self from these turds in my younger years. This house is a place of inertia and mediocrity, full of people who get pushed instead of getting up and walking (or worse, running) ....and sadly, it includes me right now.  Come results and I'll be walking on my own. come 2-3 years later..who knows?? It is in my hands. That alone is a huge motivator.

Well the best weapons while dealing with daily life are indeed humor and sarcasm.

Some introspection...

I was browsing School survival forums today (http://forums.school-survival.net/) and it occurred to me that I actually am a person. Not just a thing, or even an animal (I think of humans as animals too)- but a person. And, with that label come requirements that I'd classified as too troublesome in my current situation, i.e respect, freedom, individuality, etc..so why did I just give up?? For those who don't know, the last 12 years of my life have been wasted at Muktangan. I like to think of myself as fairly bright- I have various interests besides the 10 or so subjects offered at formal educational institutions,such as music, languages, various arts like natural dyeing, etc. The problem? School (and the so called "junior college" as well) ate up 5-6 hours of my time daily..and it was a huge waste, considering that the tuitions i took provided me with better teachers, less homework, better understanding of the topic and more free time as well. I kid you not- by sacrificing a few days in the vacations, the 11th-12th std. classes were done in 3 hours per day. And while some of the best teachers at my school had troubles handling a class of 60 students, our maths professor could easily get a class of 90-100 to pay attention. Honestly? Except for Bio (which was self-study), most of the stuff i remember today is what the teachers from tuitions taught me. I owe my knowledge of algebra, calculus, logarithms, and basic geometry to them. (Not just the 11th-12th tuition teachers, btw. I changed classes pretty often thanks to momster, and the best teachers I have seen have taught at private classes.) My point is, with all those statistics you've seen, I concluded school was wasting my time and energy. For hell's sake, i could have devoted those hours to German, Japanese, computer programming and whatnot. Instead i was forced to sit in a room with people i had nothing in common with, listening to hours upon hours of drivel...this quote sums it up the best.
 "The structure and attitudes presently used to impose education on children developed around the time of the industrial revolution. Since factories required workers to be minimally educated so they could run machines without chopping their hands off, a system quickly evolved that would be the best training for dutiful 9–5 laborers. Children were constrained to receive an assembly-line education, with appropriate information shoved into their heads by the particular worker at a particular station, and, after a designated time, were spit out the other end like so many radios. Today, children are still taught the moral value of getting up at 7 am every morning, going to a place you don’t want to be, with a lot of people you’d consider your inferiors to take instructions from someone you can’t respect. This trains you to be a responsible citizen who will contribute to the workforce without grumbling, questioning or inciting to riot." See the full post here-http://www.churchofsatan.com/mandatory-education.php



And as to why I simply gave up..the credit for that goes to my parents too. When they pulled me out of a tuition class because of low marks in something i couldn't care less about (in 6th), i realized that they saw me as a thing. According to them, I was something to be controlled, ordered around and the tuition teacher and "god" was responsible for my marks, not ME or my efforts. That's when I stopped caring; if god and my teachers were responsible for my marks, why the hell was i studying anyway?? In hindsight, I shouldn't have worried about what those two turds thought; but i was really hurt by this at the time. Years of doing the minimum needed to pass followed, and by 11th I stopped giving a fuck. Actually, I was ready and eager to study when i was attending a college in the Cantonment area for about a week or two. Then came Muktangan AGAIN, with it's stupid restrictive and unnecessary rules. I like to think that the general attitude of my class- wearing jackets over those horrible uniforms which really shame one of the most beautiful, diverse colours-blue, actually..anyone who has lived in Pune and seen them will get it. and the silence-we stopped responding to teachers unless directly called upon. Even then, all they got was a flat stare and a few words. I did horrible in 12th. I haven't gotten my results yet, but I'm sure it will be around 50-60%, 65-ish if I'm lucky. Throughout most of my school time I was focused on having as much fun as possible, and I'm glad i accomplished at least this one goal. There are many important things school taught me, but I could have learnt them just as well by reading one of Machiavelli's books. I am grateful to my classmates (both 10th and 12th) for making this craphole bearable. To my parents? I want to get the hell away from them, seeing as I'm not allowed to murder, incapacitate or torture them. I wouldn't want to spend any more time in jail for their sakes either. Yes, I hate them. And i count that as one of the things that constitute the silver lining of my life.


Apparently, I will be an adult this year. Turd and Turdette are once again trying to take control of my life. A huge confrontation is coming on the 20th- I will be standing up to the caveman and wrestling my life back from him. Am i nervous? Yes. Can I do it?? Hell yes.